How do I punish my AD HD daughter with out crossing the line?

My daughter just turned 2 in November and she misbehaves so badly! She makes me so mad but nothing I do seems to work!! She is extremely AD HD so talking to her about something she did or shouldn't do is close to impossible. Her mind is already on something else by the time you can get her to look at you and listen to what you have to say. Then she has no idea what you are talking about! She is also extremely bright. She is Very advanced and can talk Very clear. Right now when she doses something wrong I raise my voice and then she knows that mommy is mad! When she troughs fits when are at home I try to ignore her but that has never worked and Always makes it much worse! It always ends up in her getting a and sent to her room for time out. (I'm a big believer in your kids!! Not beating your kids but ings! I grew up with 2 sisters and we wore ed regularly! I am also severely AD HD.I was diagnosed in Kindergarten. Now being an adult I can see how my mind works is different than people who don’t have AD HD! always worked! I turned out great and have a wonderful relationship with my parents and my sisters!). She dose not take anything i say seriously, noting seems to scare her into listening to me! When we are in public it is so bad! She will scream and yell like she is dyeing, flail her arms around and kick her legs! It embarres me so bad and makes me so mad! Its getting to the point where we aren’t being invited to play groups and my friends don’t want to hang out when I have to bring Sam! Don’t really know what to do! Her Father lets her do what ever she wants and that drives me absolutely crazy! When we all go grocery shopping he lets her go from being carried, sitting in the cart, standing in the back of the cart, walking, riding under the cart!! AAAHHHH I just want a well mannered child that listens and respects me! Any one knows how to get through to an AD HD child? What is the best way to discipline in public? Are we even allowed to swat our kids hands? My aunt got DEFAX called on her at Kroger for telling my cousin that she was going to leave her if she didn’t stop having a fit in the toy isle and allow my aunt to pick her up! She didn’t even lay a hand on her! She didn’t even threaten to hit her!! I can’t stand it when nosy people do that! What they fail to realize is that the kids that are being abused and mistreated are so quiet and shy that they are often time over looked! What can we do in public? What’s crossing the law where you are at risk of getting into trouble with DEFAX?