How can one stop sabotaging myself ?

Therapy is not a panacea or answer for all things that happened to you, it is just another tool to use, just like the books you have read are tools to model your behavior after. You have to use it like that, you gain the answers on your own, but with the help of the methods and insight they offer. It only works if you work. If you really don't want to go that route, that works for so many others...well then I would focus on a "To Do List"...Make a list set goals for yourself, that you will work on for your 40th birthday goal. Then give yourself other dates and dead lines to hit goals. Are there special goals you have had ever since you were young that you haven't reached? Also, when you stop dead in your tracks, as you have done habitually before, force yourself to take another step forward. Do not let a day go by...NOT EVEN ONE DAY without doing something to move in the direction that you have in your goals.